From Redbook magazine: In the age of political correctness, it feels like someone is always telling us what we can or can’t say (and that may be a good thing in the case of Donald Trump)—but there are some instances where it’s about way more than just politeness.
Enter the woman who’s finally gotten pregnant after a harrowing bout with infertility, who’s already feeling sensitive, nervous, and on the edge about giving birth successfully after all she’s been through. I know that woman, because I am that woman. After two IUIs and three IVF cycles, I’m finally pregnant and hoping to go the distance. Currently, I’m 23 weeks pregnant with twins and couldn’t be more thrilled or hopeful! But it’s also a tender—and sometimes scary—place to be.
One thing I’ve learned is that getting pregnant can often elicit a colorful array of responses—not only from family and friends, but also from strangers. Saying the right thing can make a big difference in supporting a pregnant woman you care about, so here’s a handy guide on phrases to avoid:
“Now you’ll be able to get pregnant naturally since your body will just know what to do!” This one’s a biggie, and pretty much anyone who’s gotten pregnant after infertility has heard it. But here’s the thing: many infertile couples can’t conceive—ever—without the help of assisted reproductive technology, due to issues ranging from diminished ovarian reserve to severe male factor infertility. (The list goes on.) So, while it’s nice to dream about building a family the old-fashioned way, especially after spending so much money and effort on fertility treatments, it’s not realistic for a lot of us.
And since we’re on the topic, the use of the word “naturally” is a trigger for many infertile women who become pregnant. It implies that somehow our babies are artificial or somehow inferior to babies conceived spontaneously (yes, that is the PC way to say it).
“What are you going to do with the leftovers?” After going through the IVF process, some couples are lucky enough to be able to freeze extra embryos for future use. Many use them to continue building their family, although it’s estimated that as many as 72 percent of couples are currently undecided as to the fate of their “snowbabies.” Many factors play into that decision—timing, cost, whether to donate the embryos instead—but it’s certainly not a decision taken lightly. Casually referring to the embryos as “leftovers” may make your friend feel anxious, especially when she’s trying to focus on the successful birth of this baby.
For more politically incorrect statements, see the entire Redbook article.